5 Things our Kids Need

Below note that we go over on Episode 164 of the walk in love. podcast titled 5 Things Our Kids Need (listen on your platform of choice by clicking the link)

Circle of Security:

“We confuse childish behavior with disobedience.”

3 attachment figures in our lives function as our secure base and safe have

• Our Parents

• Our Spouse

• God

5 things our children need from us as fathers

1. They need us to “see” them.

• Attuned to what our individual children need

• Our kids know we are connected to them

• As they feel seen, they feel that we got their back

2. They need to “feel our love.”

• This is a really powerful thing for our kids to be seen and loved by us.

• Robert Epstein - Harvard University study -

  • The number one more effective parenting strategy was love and affection

  • How you manage stress

  • How you treat a spouse

• Single greatest factor to transfer of faith to the next generation was relational warmth from a father

3. They need structure and rhythm

1. A child that doesn’t have structure is chaotic

2. This is where coaching and discipline come into place

3. Kids need routine

4. They need this for their brains to start thinking straight and act accordingly

4. They need A healthy mix of support and challenge

1. Each child is going to be different

2. Our kids in culture today are rushed

3. Offer them differing support vs. challenges based on the situation

4. Sometimes, if our kids are at a 9, we need to meet them where they are, and then as we come down, we show them how to come down with us

5. Language - “Is this a 2 problem or a 9 problem?”

5. They need identity

1. At the end of the day, every single one of us is a child who is running the circle of security 

2. When we hit a real or perceived threat we turn to our idols instead of God as an attachment figure

3. Matthew 3

4. You see, the Father was present in Jesus’s life. The father affirmed Him, and His identity was a son.

5. The trouble is that when we start losing our identity as a son, we stop becoming a secure base or safe haven for our kids.

Every single one of us needs to be seen.

Again, these are just notes for our podcast listeners to refer back to. We dive deeper and flush out the notes on Episode 164 of the walk in love. podcast titled 5 Things Our Kids Need.